Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
