She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
