After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
