I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
