We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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