I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
ok first of all what the fuck
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
