now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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