i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
