so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
