You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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