i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
