I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He shit in the fireplace
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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