And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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