i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My vagina is very pro this idea
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
