Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
