I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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