Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
