nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think I just sharted jello shots
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
