he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
