Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
