I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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