how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
