Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Operation Purity has been aborted
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
