gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
