I take back everything I said about communal showers
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize