idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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