I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
