i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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