I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
