Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Houston, we have a blender
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
