i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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