I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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