Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
