Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
