Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize