just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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