I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize