I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
