Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
