Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
