One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
