Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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