I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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