Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
