I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
