How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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