I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
