1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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