Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
