Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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