no, he came in my armpit
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize