Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Michael Bay diarrhea
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
