I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you would pick up someone in the library
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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