I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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