Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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