Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
