Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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