Swine flu. Run for my life!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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