I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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