she woke up with a sticky ear
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
