i barfeds in our rink
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize