I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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