Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
