can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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