Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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