I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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