R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
