weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
now i know why i became what i already was.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
