is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
