And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So squirting runs in the family.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
