Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
