So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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