By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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