guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize