At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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