Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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