Already got asked if we're dating
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
