:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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